The Cannabis Cleanse Diaries
If I’m being honest,
this weekend didn’t go very well Cannabis Cleanse-wise. I didn’t even touch my tracker for two days. Saturday, I waited to eat until 4:00 pm, then pigged out on Panera, one of their cookies, and some ice cream (I went a little crazy…it had been a stressful day). Then two and a half hours later I had Chipotle and an Izze for dinner. I was feeling so stuffed and ashamed that I didn’t even write yesterday’s post. Then today, I went to Cracker Barrel for lunch and ordered my favorite – French toast – even though it’s loaded with sugar. Then my family ordered Domino’s for dinner. And even though I had told myself I would stop with the poor choices after that French toast, I succumbed to the comforting taste of garlic-cheesy bread.
As I sat down to write this post,
I began reflecting on my weekend and was reminded that one of the principles of the Cannabis Cleanse is “I will practice positive self-talk.” I paused to think about what kind of language I was using as I talked to myself about the weekend. I wasn’t being very nice. If my best friend had been saying those things about herself, I would have told her to knock it off. I would have told her to just work on being better starting right now instead of dwelling on the past few days of setbacks.
A couple years back, I wouldn’t have thought this way. Then I read a book called Self Compassion by Kristin Neff. The author describes the way in which we are always comparing ourselves to others, and our own critical self-talk. I had never realized before reading the book how negative I was towards myself, and it made me begin to see life in another way. One where my own opinion of myself was what mattered most and I could be my own best friend, soothing myself in times of sadness and cheering myself on in good times and bad.
Cannabis helps me in this endeavor, as it helps me not to take myself too seriously and to relax for a while. It helps me take a step back from my emotions and see them objectively, allowing me to process things better and see more clearly.
I’m not yet perfect at self compassion –
and far from where I want to be. But it’s times like these, at the end of a weekend filled with binge sugar-eating, that I have to take the opportunity to practice positive self-talk, because that’s how you break life-long habits. It doesn’t happen over night – 21 years of self-criticism can’t be wiped away in a week or even a year - but this is a habit worth breaking, and I’m determined to do it.
A lot of my poetry centers around the theme of self compassion, and I even did a printmaking and photography series on the theme my senior year of college. You can check them out below.
Copyright © 2016 Kristen Williams, All Rights Reserved