It's been a few days, which frustrates me. I came up with ideas for both Thursday and Friday but just didn't get to executing them. Which brings me to today: Don't be afraid to restart.
Things don't always, in fact almost never, go according to plan. I used to plan nonstop - you should have seen me in my high school and early college years (I was ridiculous). Every moment of every day was planned, but it hardly ever worked out that way. Having a tight schedule seemed to stress me out even more; when I would end up spending a little longer on that Visual Communications assignment, I would freak out the entire time, worrying about the fact that I'm off schedule and wondering how long things were going to take. It was a viscous circle of anxiety.
I am also a perfectionist, so when something doesn't go the way I imagined I can get incredibly frustrated, wanting to just quit all together instead of wasting my time on something that will only disappoint me. On the other hand, if I really want something, nothing will stop me from dedicating myself to achieving it, no matter the costs. So I'm trying to find that balance, that kind voice inside of me that doesn't scream and ridicule myself every time I take a little longer on an assignment, or forget, or run out of time. Instead of beating myself up for the next month about how I missed the second two days of this project, I am going to write this post, then two more to make up for the missed days, and move on, trying to do better about posting on time in the future. That's really all I can do, and in the end, the fact that I missed two days won't matter; the purpose of this project is to help me grow from my experiences and encourage intimate reflection, and this is a perfect example of one of the most vitally important lessons I have learned.
I still make schedules, but they don't have every minute planned to the T. I have a master calendar that outlines everything I need to accomplish each week, and at the beginning of every week I outline what needs to happen each day. Then, I don't worry about a task until it's that day to worry about it, and only focus on that particular day's tasks. When it comes time to do one of the tasks I have been subconsciously dreading, I allow myself to freak out, feeling and acknowledging all my anxiety for about 5-10 minutes, then put the emotion aside and just do it. If for some reason I don't get those days' tasks finished, I look at my calendar and pencil it in on another day when I feel that I would honestly have the time to complete it. Being realistic is key, however, when making my calendar. I used to jam pack every second with a task, hoping to get that list as long as my arm accomplished that day - then never succeeding and just pushing the daunting list to the next day. This new method really seems to have helped lower my anxiety levels from day to day, as well as allow me to live more in the now instead of living in fear.